new starter paperwork
I’ve never been afraid of starting over. Starting fresh. The feeling of things being brand new and fun and scary all at the same time. I know a lot of people say that change is scary but somehow, in my mind, change feels addictive. After all, I moved 6,000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew to pursue a career in the one constant thing in my life; music. When I look back at who I was then, it’s like I don’t see the same person that I see in the mirror today. In some ways that excites me; in others it terrifies me. I fear that no one really knows the real me, not even myself. In the same breathe, maybe that just means I haven’t fully discovered who that person is yet.
In 2017, I was care-free. Willing to take a chance on myself when I felt like no one else would. After fundraising money and saving every penny from the summer before, I got on a plane, alone, to the UK. This was the first time where I was living in a place where I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me. I could create the person I wanted to be. It might have been a message from the universe that I got blocked out of my old Facebook account after posting a cover of a song that I didn’t have the copyrights to, which went against community guidelines. That account contained every embarrassing image of me, from my endless years spent sweating at Tae Kwon Do or dancing in the driveway of an old best friend’s house or midnight pizza runs with the girls from my soccer team. A google search of my name returned few things and from then I knew, I might have a chance to really start over. It was hard to lose that account. For a couple of days, I couldn’t contact any of my family unless it was by email because I didn’t realise I needed WhatsApp to call someone out of the country.
After 6 months of living in Liverpool, I had made a few friends but still felt incredibly alien to everyone around me. I didn’t grow up in the UK like they had. I didn’t like the same bands or even the same films. I especially didn’t have the same white middle class privilege they did either and I struggled to find people like me that I could confide in. I started doubting myself and having panic attacks a couple times a month. Other students at my very elitist uni already had millions of plays on Spotify and were playing big support tour gigs and I didn’t even know how to make a demo. I always wrote songs on guitar and piano since I could remember but learning to produce music and releasing it was and is still, a very challenging task. I still doubt myself, everyone does. But I believe in myself so much more than I did back then.
Fast forward to 2021, we’re all trying our best to make the most out of a shitty situation. The pandemic had taken a huge toll on my mental health. Between having an extremely mentally and emotionally challenging time separating myself from a company that I am legally obliged to not name, my mom getting cancer and not being able to physically be there for her and being isolated even more than I felt before, I honestly felt like I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. I escaped most of my existence by logging over 500 hours on Animal Crossing: New Horizons, leaning on my partner for support (new for me) and creating a sound of music that felt authentic to me. In the end, my mom has been cancer free for over a year, I got a new job, I moved to Manchester with my partner to the nicest neighbourhood I’ve ever lived in and with the new tracks I’ve been making, I signed my first record deal!
When I first sent my demos to Heist or Hit, I had an immediate response from the team with such excited positivity that I’ve never received about my music before. Due to covid restrictions, we had to meet over Zoom a lot in the beginning but after the first call, I knew I wanted to be a part of the family. Martin, Pat and Mick are some of the loveliest people I’ve met in the music industry. I’m so grateful for their support every day. There isn’t another label that I can think of that I’d rather be signed to right now (and I’m not just saying that because I’m signed to them haha).
I cried a lot before signing my deal. I was so overwhelmed with joy and excitement that all I could ever do was cry. I was constantly sitting at my desk equipped with a whole new setup that I bought on my advance from the label. There were so many new things that I never had the luxury of buying brand new before; a Mac mini, 4k computer monitor, interface, a brand new version of Ableton 11 Suite and a big pink gaming chair that has a lower back massager. I finally felt like I had enough equipment to create comfortably. Obviously, there’s still a lot of gear I want to get in the future but I don’t think we have enough space in our one bedroom apartment. One day, I hope to have enough money to rent a studio for myself.
Signing to Heist or Hit means that I have all the support I need to move forward. I can leave the old sound that I felt boxed into, make what makes me feel good AND release that into the world. I can’t wait to share all of the amazing things I’ve been working on with the world. It’s been a very overwhelming past few years, both good and bad. I’m glad I chose not to give up on myself and I hope that my story can inspire someone else out there to do the same.
Until next time,
Ky x
